Why do you choose not to have kids?

I’m female and almost 20 years old. I want to get my tubes tied next year but since I have no kids and I’m not married it’s going to be extremely difficult to find someone willing to do it.

The reason I don’t want kids is because I have an extreme fear of pregnancy and childbirth. Postpartum insanity and postpartum depression both run in my family and I’ve seen it firsthand at how horrible it is. I used to live with my sister and her son when he was extremely young and I absolutely hated every minute of it. I love my nephew to death but the crying nightly, the amount of attention, just everything about the parental aspect of it killed me. I took on babysitting as a way of paying her for taking me in. It was a lot less babysitting and a lot more full on nannying. I looked after him from first thing in the morning till 8:00 at night and it was exhausting.

Honestly if I got pregnant I would go to another country for an abortion, do home remedies for an abortion, have a friend punch me in the stomach repeatedly, or find some other way to cause a miscarriage. Children will never be in my future and I need some way to convince my doctor to let me have my tubes tied.