My lovely Family. Love it

I recently started a new job in the same field. One thing I did appreciate about my former workplace is that even though we were part of a large office, I never received any requests for money for anything like birthday, wedding, or baby gifts. I also never received any requests for charities or Girl Scout cookies. It was very bureaucratic, so I wouldn’t be surprised if there was an official policy against it

At my new position, which is remote but most of us live close to the office, one employee recently got married and the admin sent an e-mail and a follow up e-mail regarding Venmo-ing money for a wedding present. She also said it was optional. I ignored both e-mails and did not participate. I barely know that coworker and only interacted her briefly at our in office meeting a few weeks after those e-mails.

I went to the nail salon recently and they asked me about how my new job was compared to my old one. I said I liked it and went into some details, but also mentioned how my old place never requested participation for gifts and I appreciated that. I mentioned the wedding gift for my coworker. The employees all seemed pretty shocked I hadn’t participated and said they always chip in for group gifts when asked at work. I said I barely know that employee and her new husband has likely never heard of me. They dropped it, but I could tell they didn’t like my stance.

I always bring a wedding gift to a wedding and a baby gift to a shower and did mail two coworkers at my former job baby gifts during covid because we are friends outside of work . I just hate any forced participation into these things at the office because I did that so much at former positions in my early 20s and it was a waste for people I barely knew. I never want anyone in the office to buy me anything either. You also never know how other people are doing financially and no one should spend money they don’t have on gifts for coworkers.

I’m posting this in childfree because I’m sure many here have been in similar positions with baby gifts and gotten annoyed. How do you all handle it?

I had my bisalp almost 2 years ago and I don’t plan on telling anybody else in my family besides those who already know, or outside of my family, since I live in a conservative region. There are a lot of pro-life people here. Yesterday I went to my first pro-choice rally a few hours away from home, and since it was my country’s Independence Day, lots of people turned up. We met up in front of the city hall, listened to speeches, practiced our chants, then we hit the streets and started marching through the downtown area. We blocked traffic and even shut down an intersection. We got a lot of attention from passing pedestrians and drivers, even support. Cops showed up but didn’t do anything, just watched and redirected traffic. I met a woman who’d been advocating for abortion rights for a while. I told her about my bisalp and she was very nice about it. It made me feel good. I never got her name and we got separated once the march began, but I won’t forget her. I hope she knows how good she made me feel. My legs are sore now since I was outside for about 4 hours, but I think it was worth it. It felt great to be out about my stance in a group of likeminded people. I was afraid I’d get shot or mowed down with a car, but everything went well and I returned home safe.

I’m the only one in my family who is grown up and unmarried. Almost everyone has children too. I was a little drunk last night and made myself go to Facebook to see some relatives on there. I don’t know whether I was genuinely curious or felt obligated to feel caught up and didn’t want to seem like some grinch. I woke up with horrible hangxiety and raced back to FB to see if I made any comments or did something I wouldn’t be proud of. That was the last time I will ever be on that site at least for a while. Facebook is just a huge source of negativity for me – It gives me so much anxiety and dread. It also triggers painful memories. On Instagram, I am happy that there is a feature where you can control who is on your feed where you don’t have to run across pictures of people with their kids. It makes me feel better to know that most of the time, social media is not an accurate presentation of how a person is in real life . Does anyone else feel uncomfortable seeing social media posts of family members with their kids?

Apparently I missed something with the app. Usually I post with the website.

Anyways!

A while back, I got a vasectomy, which I know is the easier sterilization procedure to get. However, I live in a state where that’s still not a guarantee. I found that calling the office to directly ask the nurse whether the doctor would actually see me and actually go through with a vasectomy to be the easiest method of finding that out.

I found that I had to go through three different urologists to find one where the nurse said it would not be a problem. And guess what? It wasn’t a problem!

My point is the nurses always know what is going on with the doctors and their practice. Most of them will be up front with you. If for no other reason then to not have to do the paperwork to make an appointment.

Never wanting children does not mean that you’re selfish or heartless. Never wanting children does not mean you hate kids. I’m a sensitive and empathetic person and the only dependents I can take are my two fluffy cats. I’m not some crotchety loner who lives at the top of a mountain scowling down at all the families below with their children. I’m kind towards kids, but I’m also a nervous wreck around them. I could not handle motherhood. I have sensory issues where I can’t stand the crying and the screaming and all that frenetic energy. You bet your bottom dollar I wouldn’t even handle being pregnant. I struggle enough as it is with periods . If childbirth wouldn’t kill me, I still wouldn’t last long on this earth. I would be overwhelmed, crying all the time, worrying, obsessing, and falling apart if I get criticized for my parenting. I know I sound like a complete, spineless wimp but there are strengths and crosses to bear of my own. God did not make every woman destined to be a mom. There are less women nowadays who want children.

Hello all!

After lurking for many years I’m finally getting a bisalp !

However I have some concerns. I have chronic gastritis that doesn’t seem like it’s going away any time soon. I have spoken with my doctor who said I should still be okay to go forward with the procedure and skip NSAIDs post-op. However, I noticed when reading sterilization experiences people are usually prescribed a NSAID/Tylenol combo with an opioid.

after doing some research into opioids a little more I see that they can run the risk of giving stomach pain/acid reflux and aggravate those with GERD.

I cannot reiterate enough how fragile my stomach is and how delicate the balance is to keep myself relatively pain free.

Has anyone with gastritis/stomach inflammation gotten a bisalp done and can share their experience ? Or has anyone gotten by post-op with just a lot of Tylenol ?

Anything words of wisdom is greatly appreciated!

I know I might have already lost some of you but bear with me. I got a bisalp in my mid-twenties. I’m now in my late twenties, and the number of people who try to bingo me is on the rise— it feels like everyone has something to say about the biological clock. other women tell me how THEY didn’t know THEY wanted kids until they were in their thirties, and what a horrible mistake I’ve made. strange men try to ‘explain biology’ to me like I’m a child . what’s done is done, I had the surgery, but people insist I will regret it.

first of all, the obvious: I won’t! I know myself fiercely. ever since I was old enough to understand how people created other people, I have known I didn’t want any part in it. I never played with baby dolls as a kid, never felt a twinge of maternal instinct, never wanted to be around infants or small children. many people have tried to change my mind. when told that a relationship can’t start or continue unless I consider having kids one day, I have always severed the relationship right away. the older I get the more sure I am that this is not just the right choice for me, it is the only reasonable choice to prevent needless suffering for both me and my potential offspring.

but hey! let’s entertain this idea for a second. let’s say that one day, five or ten or fifteen years from now, I wake up a complete stranger to myself. I no longer believe anything I used to believe, my personality has done a full 180, I suddenly regret my choice and wish I could have biological kids.

I don’t care! I don’t care about this hypothetical future self’s desires. she can cope. I can’t control other people and their reproductive whims, but I can control her. she is the only person that CAN be ethically controlled by me. I can stop her from passing on the genes carrying hereditary illnesses that killed members of her family, that might kill her someday. I can stop her from contributing to overpopulation. I can prevent her, full stop, from potentially continuing the cycle of abuse her parents perpetuated after learning it from their parents. maybe she wants to leave a legacy behind— she’d better work for it! she’d better make something really cool! I have had the good fortune of making a life for myself in a creative industry. my career icon was childless her whole life, but is remembered for her body of work, and there’s no reason I can’t do the same. you have nothing holding you back, hypothetical future me, so create a magnum opus and make it count. my friends are already having children. there will be no shortage of kids to influence over my lifetime. it’s fine. future me is gonna be fine. she’ll deal with it, she’s dealt with worse.

that’s all. I just wanted to share this with people who might understand. if I become someone I no longer recognize in the future, someone I share no common ground or beliefs with, that’s too bad. the decision is made. I am happy with my choice now and I expect I will be happy with it until I die, but if somehow I’m not, I’ll live. people live through worse every day. my life is worth more than my ability to reproduce.

I have been searching for a doctor to possibly sterilize me, and while the doctor list on this sub is a great source, all doctors posted are for ligations, bisalps, hysterectomies, and vasectomies. Thats great, and i will probably end up with a bisalp in addition to what I’m after, but I am absolutely struggling to find any doctor who performs endometrial resections. If seen them discussed on this sub as an alternative to endometrial ablation, that is more permanent, reliable, and as an added bonus works as a form of sterilization. But not a single CF friendly doctor in my area offers this procedure, as far as their reception staff are able to tell me. Im getting ready to give up and just get to bisalp and deal with still having a period, but thought id post here and see if anyone whos had one can direct me.

Im in Portland, OR, and am willing to travel quite a bit locally, and would even fly cross country if i didnt need too many pre and post op appts, and could make a small vacation out of it.

So I met my boyfriend a year into the pandemic & while I’ve always known I don’t ever want to give birth I always figured I would have 3 kids as an adult. when I met my bf one of the first things asked was do you want kids and I said yes & so did he. I never did fully clarify at the time that I would only have kids through IVF or adoption as I knew even then my life plan did not involve giving birth. I also knew I would rather have no kids than ever give birth. None of these things were clarified though & the relationship continued.

I found Reddit halfway through the relationship & got introduced to the childfree community as well as antinatalism. I enjoy being in both communities & have developed a deep annoyance for heavy breeders as well as IVF. I now know I never want bio-children & I would consider adopting a kid or a few kids 3-12 years old when I’m ready to start a family if I ever do want kids.

My boyfriend grew up Mormon & has 4 brothers so he grew up in a big family & was definitely heavily indoctrinated into breeding culture. He’s complained about what it was like growing up with 3 older brothers who were aggressive & loud as well as the struggles of growing up in a pretty poor household but he’s still always been pretty sure he wants a big family of his own. He saw his youngest brother being born because his mom wanted him ready when he grew up to have his own child.

I’ve said a few things here and there about some aspects I dislike when it comes to people starting families & he has always fully agreed with what I have to say but i tend to keep it very easy to agree with so as not to scare him. Like for instance I’ve discussed with him that I think IVF is really bad because it takes advantage of poor women & I think if a woman’s body is screaming “don’t breed” she shouldn’t. I have even dropped in convo if he’s ever thought about being a foster parent.

Please leave me tips on how to break the news I will never give birth & don’t want bio-children. While I am open to adoption I’m pretty certain that if I didn’t get approved for adoption or it cost too much etc I would not have my own kids at all. I love the idea of never having kids, retiring early, having lots of money, traveling a bunch, moving where I please when I please, and always living for myself!

I know the title is ironic to the community name but I feel like having them would make me sad/miserable bc when I think of it now I feel anxious When I was younger, I didn’t give having kids any thoughts. I never pictured myself as a mum or wife. That was how carefree I was/or still am. As I grew older, my mum is throwing hints of me getting married …I feel like I’m childfree at heart . I don’t any hatred for kids but the thought of them gives me anxiety. If they’re crying in public spaces, I understand. I did my pediatric rotations and honestly, I give them a pass for anything they do. I just don’t want to end up being a miserable and terrible mum who gets stuck. I know how I am. I don’t want to make mistakes. I don’t know what the future holds. This is just a rant anyways. I am probably going freeze my eggs as it’s very cheap where I live. I’m just kinda scared. People sometimes say you’re going to be lonely and live with cats and I am presently not really offended by those words but idk if I would be lonelier than I feel now . Idk you feel me?