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Men’s lack of self-awareness concerning the patriarchy

If you’ve ever hung out with guys and talked about dating being hard…honestly, I feel like a lot of the time, they want to make a point to say that’s it’s harder for them. They’re the ones that have to approach women. They’re the ones having to deal with rejection.

And I think being frustrated with that is valid. However.

1) I can’t speak for anyone else, but in my experience, older, more experienced women sometimes give advice that usually boils down to stuff like “don’t be *too* available.” I can’t say anyone has ever literally advised me to play hard-to-get but I’ve been told that guys like to make the first move.

I also was looking at an advice column ages ago…this young women said she liked a guy and thought about asking him out, but everyone in her life was telling her not to. The woman who answered this question said that women should *never* make the first move because a man will take you for granted and feel bored if he doesn’t get to “pursue” you. So it seems like women are actively discouraged from deviating from the norm.

2) This is what I really wanted to talk about about.
How did we get here? With the expectations concerning gender roles?
To say that women haven’t often been in a position to call the shots is an understatement.
Because, come on…we all know how things got to be the way they are.

Men will often say “it’s evolution, we evolved this way.” Um…okay. Doesn’t evolving mean that things aren’t necessarily going to stay the same forever? That’s kind of the point of evolution, right?

Whatever. The point is, things are the way they are because men deemed it necessary to be so. It’s patriarchal in nature!

But you can’t even use the word “patriarchy” without people going, “using that word implies you have feminist views. Feminists are those mean ladies who hate men and don’t shave their armpits and think all sex is rape, and that’s in no way oversimplifying an entire movement to an absurd degree. Sounds like another angry feminist rant!”

I mean, don’t get me started trying to explain toxic masculinity to dudes. It’s exhausting!

It’s just frustrating when men talk about things being inherently unfair for them, and they resent women for it at times, and when you point out that dating itself is a societal construct created by the patriarchy, you lose credibility because “patriarchy” is such a loaded word.

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Family

A child I never had ruined my marriage.

⚠️ Trigger warning: infertility/suicidal ideation⚠️

A little over a year ago my husband and I decided we were going to start a family. We knew it would be difficult because i have irregular periods and I don’t ovulate. We knew we would have to try for a year before we could get insurance to help pay for fertility treatments because of how young we are.
That was the worst year of my life. My family was constantly pushing me about this baby. About how much they can’t wait to meet it, how they already know it’ll be their favorite of all the already born grandchildren. Rushing me and pushing me to have this baby. And with every single negative test I died a little more inside. With every negative test I felt like more and more of a failure. Like look at me I’m a woman and the one thing that I’m supposed to be able to do, I can’t do it.
I already struggle with terrible depression and this made it so much worse. Then my husband wasn’t there for me in the way I needed. It was like every time I took a test and I would hurt more we would fight more. Until finally I just emotionally disconnected from him. We don’t even know each other anymore. All because of a baby we never had and the pressure from my family to provide them with this baby. So many nights I spent crying and thinking of different ways I could just end my pain.
We’re working to rebuild this marriage, but I just don’t know if I want kids anymore. I hate when people try to push becoming a mom on someone. I hate it so much.

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Family

Had My IUD Refreshed

Today, I went and had my IUD replaced a new one today. I am so grateful for the fact I live in a state that allows CIS women and NB Femmes access to this service.

However, this didn’t come without a fight. My old PCP flat out *refused* to replace it, and when I demanded that it be done, she gave me attitude and poked me very hard, gave up and said, “You can wait more years!”

I tried a different PCP and she immediately became angry at the fact that my old PCP even ATTEMPTED to put in a new IUD and immediately referred me to a wonderful OBGYN.

Saw her today and discussed everything that the old PCP had done. The OBGYN was furious as well. “She shouldn’t have even tried to insert it. That’s why we as OBGYNs need to do it. She could have hurt you for sure.”

This OBGYN was *amazing*. While it still hurt, she actually made it hurt less than the other doctors I saw in the past. Those doctors were OBGYNs as well, and female. I felt like those doctors were judging me for getting an IUD and weren’t as kind or gentle like this OBGYN was today.

While I sat there after my insertion, she and I discussed why I refreshed my IUD and was 100% sympathetic to my reasoning. I felt comfortable sharing with her my reasons for an abortion at 19. She looked at me and said, “That’s exactly why we need to uphold a woman’s right to choose. You were brave for what you did, never let anyone tell you otherwise.”

I am *very* lucky to live in a state that allows this to happen, and would like to extend to any CIS female or NB Femme who is facing uncertainty about their pregnancy or birth control options to reach out to me. My heart is with you.

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Family

I don’t feel feminine enough when I date. Any other women feel like this?

When I date, I get very self conscious and feel like I’m not very feminine. I have people tell me I look feminine , but I struggle to feel that way. I tend to typically dress in athleisure wear/mom jeans and a form fitting t-shirt or hoodie, I don’t wear makeup and I have my hair up in a low messy bun or claw clip all of the time. I personally don’t like presenting myself super femininely appearance wise, but I often find myself comparing myself to other girls that guys I’ve dated dated and they appear so much more effortlessly feminine than me. I’ve been trying to accept myself for the way I am, but it’s been a struggle. Any other women feel this way?

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Family

How to get over being too uncomfortable/scared to date men when I’m really lonely and want a relationship?

I don’t have examples of ‘good’ relationships in my life. I don’t want what any couples I know have.

I very rarely see women say good things about their boyfriends/husbands online. I see lots of complaints .

I’m so scared to end up like the women I know and the women I see online. I’m scared of entering into a relationship that maybe even starts out good but ends with the man being lazy, not helping with the kids , cheating, not supporting women’ rights, not being emotionally available.

All of that plus the fact that violence against women simultaneously terrifies me and makes me want to rip the balls off of every man on the planet.

I’m so lonely though. I want a relationship. I want my person.

It just seems like the good men are SO few and far between, if they exist at all.

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Family

A woman in Texas was ticketed for using the HOV lane. She argued since she is pregnant she should not be ticketed.

Use this tactic. Call life insurance companies and demand they fully insure your 6 week fetus. Call the IRS and demand the right to claim a fetus on your taxes. Any imprisoned women file a lawsuit demanding their fetus not be falsely imprisoned. Sue the fathers for child support starting at 6 week gestation. Call health insurance companies and demand they insure your fetus. Use the HOV lanes. Call the fire marshalls and ask about occupancy laws since pregnant people are counted twice.

Malicious compliance people. Either a fetus is a person or they’re not. Can’t have it both ways.

And even if they are a person they have to follow people rules, which means they cannot use another person’s body without their consent, and consent can be revoked at any time.

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Family

My period returned to synch with my roommate

I’ve had an IUD for 4 years and have had all different types of periods. They were pretty regular for the first two years, then suddenly stopped for a couple months before reappearing with no warning .

I’ve recently been on a period free stretch since November 2021. I had recently quit my job and wasn’t spending any long amounts of time with ovulating women. I returned to vet school in January 2022 but I didn’t have a roommate due to them deciding to do remote learning that semester super last minute.

Fast forward to mid May 2022. I move to my clinical year school and finally live with someone who ovulates. We’ve been living together for just under 8 weeks and I suddenly got my period out of nowhere a few days ago. I mentioned that to my roommate and she said she started her period a few days ago too. She’s on the pill so I guess she’s in charge of determining when I get my periods lol.

We’ll be away from each other for a few weeks, will we fall out of synch? Will my period get even more erratic?

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Family

Baymax! S01 E03 does not shy away from periods in the slightest and it’s such a heartwarming episode.

I just got around to watching the miniseries Baymax! on Disney Plus and I am so incredibly surprised and pleased with the subject matter brought up in some of these episodes, most notably episode 3 where a 12 year old girl gets her first period. Not only do we get a very straight forward conversation about menstruation but we get some excellent diversity and representation even if it is only a 15 minute short. It’s ultimately a very positive message that goes far beyond what we already thought was big for Turning Red.

On another note the incredibly bad rap Disney has been getting for being unfavorable to LGBTQ+ characters I’m also glad to see Pixar is still trying to include representation. There’s a trans man suggesting period products in episode 3 and Mbti in episode 4 is gay.

Overall I’m just glad it’s there and I hope you guys can take a little joy from watching it.

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Family

Doctors appointment success story

I just wanted to share a story with you guys since most people close to me don’t understand what I mean. Most of my life, my health concerns have not been taken seriously by doctors. I’ve been told to manage my stress better, lose weight, etc. My PCP is currently an old white man because he had the most availability . Anyway, I’ve been having severe headaches for 3 years now but never mentioned them to any medical professional because I assumed they were hormonal. But they started becoming more and more frequent and were making me miss work. My doctor listened to me explain the timeline of my problem and asked me what I had taken in response. He said we could use the NSAIDS I’ve already tried to bill my insurance for medication, scheduled me for lab work and MRI, and told me to message him if the meds don’t work and he’ll prescribe me a top tier new medicine, but he said this one normally has excellent results. For once, there was no bullshit, no “you’re not getting enough sleep,” no doubting me and my concerns about my own body. I just wanted to share this with the internet because it was absolutely refreshing.

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Family

Disowned For Getting A Hysterectomy, Brother Is Applaud For His Vasectomy.

**edit** people are claiming this a fake story all because they had a different experience or know someone with a experience with hysterectomy.

I also never said I thought hysterectomy was like plain old sterilization to go to, I got it for medical reasons. I thought this was a sub I could safely post in but I guess I was wrong.

Exactly what the title says.

I got a hysterectomy about a little over a week ago. I wasn’t even going to mention this at all to my family because they have those really old beliefs about how a women’s sole purpose is to have children well…things changed.

My parents invited me,my brother and my brother’s wife over for dinner. Sometime during the dinner my mom started asking about potential grandkids…like usual. My brother shortly drops some news on us. He says he got a vasectomy and him and his wife are good with their three dogs. I was waiting for my parents to freak out but to my surprise they hugged him and even made jokes. Like “I guess those are kids, our little grand puppies”

Afterwards I talked with my brother for a bit as I wasn’t aware he didn’t want kids ether. I mentioned to him in-front of our parents I got a hysterectomy just to relate to him and I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal since my parents didn’t make a fuss about my brothers procedure. But nope. The minute I mentioned that, the table went silent and my mom started crying and my dad called me a selfish b*ch.

I got kicked out and I’ve been blocking on everything. This felt so surreal to me and still does, so I’m not sure how to to feel right now. I’m not even sure if they are ever going to speak to me again.

**EDIT**: people are confused about something’s.

1. About the inviting over. I was still living with them at this time. They mentioned the dinner to me and how it will take place, therefore inviting me to dinner. Bad communication on my part.

2. I got the hysterectomy for medical reasons I do not wish to disclose here but I also did it for the sake of never having children. As I don’t want them. I am a lesbian but have dated/do date trans lesbians so there is a possibility I can get pregnant from those relationships.

3. My recovery time is 6-8 weeks. I was able to walk around on the 5th day. but I was able to make it to the dinner.

4. I lied to my parents and said I got my appendix taken out, as I did have to be in the hospital for a bit and was put on bed rest for awhile. Hence why they didn’t know about the procedure when I still stayed there.