If you’ve ever hung out with guys and talked about dating being hard…honestly, I feel like a lot of the time, they want to make a point to say that’s it’s harder for them. They’re the ones that have to approach women. They’re the ones having to deal with rejection.
And I think being frustrated with that is valid. However.
1) I can’t speak for anyone else, but in my experience, older, more experienced women sometimes give advice that usually boils down to stuff like “don’t be *too* available.” I can’t say anyone has ever literally advised me to play hard-to-get but I’ve been told that guys like to make the first move.
I also was looking at an advice column ages ago…this young women said she liked a guy and thought about asking him out, but everyone in her life was telling her not to. The woman who answered this question said that women should *never* make the first move because a man will take you for granted and feel bored if he doesn’t get to “pursue” you. So it seems like women are actively discouraged from deviating from the norm.
2) This is what I really wanted to talk about about.
How did we get here? With the expectations concerning gender roles?
To say that women haven’t often been in a position to call the shots is an understatement.
Because, come on…we all know how things got to be the way they are.
Men will often say “it’s evolution, we evolved this way.” Um…okay. Doesn’t evolving mean that things aren’t necessarily going to stay the same forever? That’s kind of the point of evolution, right?
Whatever. The point is, things are the way they are because men deemed it necessary to be so. It’s patriarchal in nature!
But you can’t even use the word “patriarchy” without people going, “using that word implies you have feminist views. Feminists are those mean ladies who hate men and don’t shave their armpits and think all sex is rape, and that’s in no way oversimplifying an entire movement to an absurd degree. Sounds like another angry feminist rant!”
I mean, don’t get me started trying to explain toxic masculinity to dudes. It’s exhausting!
It’s just frustrating when men talk about things being inherently unfair for them, and they resent women for it at times, and when you point out that dating itself is a societal construct created by the patriarchy, you lose credibility because “patriarchy” is such a loaded word.